i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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