____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
