can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
