i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
