I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
