Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
