I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
