Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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