Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
smell my finger.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
