I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
