I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
