Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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