The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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