So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
