i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Randomize
