I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
