You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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