She is in my trunk
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
