stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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