God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
