There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
