I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
