Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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