ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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