sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
