My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Are my feet made of real feet?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
