Need sex. Gaining weight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
