of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
