I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
