please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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