another moral hangover. fuck.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
