omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
