So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
