i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
