Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
