you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
