I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
