I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
