Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
