he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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