my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
