Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
