So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
