Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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