im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How does one acquire holy water?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
