hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
