so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
