I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
