matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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