I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
