Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
