Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
