My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
