ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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