bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
